Straight, but not narrow: an ally speaks

Walker Tracy Loafmans Guest Column for Echo Magazine (www.echomag.com)

With the designation of “ally,” I was thrilled to encounter a positive term that defines my role in the lives of my GLBT friends.

It is my honor to unite with them, my responsibility to fight for them and my dream to see them receive the same rights I receive simply because I love a man rather than another woman.

It hurts to see my friends and so many others rejected based entirely and exclusively on their sexual orientation.

Like many people who have never known an openly gay person, I don’t remember caring one way or the other about the LGBT community. Then someone I love very much revealed the long, hidden secret, and I was deeply affected.

At first, I was an angry ally, defensive of my friend and irritated by everyone’s ignorance. Obviously, this technique had no positive impact on the way my friend was viewed by others. So I reconsidered my position.

I asked myself: How could I change perspectives and open minds? How could I help others support the gay community by becoming allies? Why was I an ally when it made me subject to ridicule as well?

As I learned more from my friend, I gained an understanding of the troubles and traumas the LGBT community experiences. I was able to empathize and I wanted to help others do the same.

Defined by Webster as having the “capacity for understanding [and] being sensitive to … the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another,” empathy requires a willingness to express your values to the ambiguous and offended in a way that will bring awareness of perspectives and empathetic consideration for those with differing viewpoints and the actions that result.

In a relationship, building trust, gaining loyalty, motivating others, and accomplishing goals requires an eagerness to understand and be sensitive to feelings while respecting one another’s positions.

I have never had to experience such inequality, but I bear witness to its effects, as those I love are denied the same opportunities as I have.

After the devastating blow to my friends with passage of Proposition 102, I am excited to be a part of the second Right to Marry event. I sometimes doubt whether I can do it, but then I remember the love, support and devotion that I have received from my gay friends, and I am determined.

So, I walk to peacefully protest inequality, to support the GLBT community and to encourage open minds so that one day we will witness a change so big that half the state of Arizona votes in favor of it.

To others who may be considered allies out there: these feelings may be uncomfortable, but temporary. The conversations are awkward, but necessary. The efforts are demanding, but powerful. But the results will be profound when our efforts help to change the world into one filled with open-minded, open-hearted people who personify the values that positively impact the lives of others.